Tag Archive | fear

Life is short…..

imagesCAFKQ0BJOne of the most common clichés of all time right? Right. It’s short, simple, and when overused, we sometimes stop realising the true meaning of it….it’s truth.

On January 2nd, I lost a friend. 30 years young. And although we stayed in contact, I haven’t seen her in 7 years. We lived about 50km apart, and every time she wanted us to get together, I always had an excuse. There will always be next time right? Wrong. The next time I would see her, was at her funeral. Her passing made me realise, that time should not be taken for granted. No one knows how much time we have left.

Over the past two months, there has been very few days when I scrolled my facebook feed, and didn’t come across a young life that was tragically lost. Young people. People like us. People who have their whole lives ahead of them, who has all the time in the world to chase their dreams. But they never had that time, none of us do. It’s an illusion. Our lives are short. We think we really grasp this but we don’t. It should terrify us, as  it terrifies me sometimes in the stillness of the night, when it seems no one else is terrified but me!

Every day, that we are given, is a gift. Regardless of your religious beliefs or lack thereof, our time on earth is limited. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is permanent. We spend time and money as though we’ll always be here. We buy shiny things as though they’re worth the stress of attachment. We put off the “once in a lifetime” activities/adventures/trips because we believe we’ll be around next year to do it. We don’t tell the ones we love how much we love them often enough because we assume there’s always tomorrow. And we fear. Oh, do we fear. We stick it out in miserable jobs and situations because we’re afraid of the risk of stepping out. We don’t reach high enough or far enough because we’re worried we’ll fail, forgetting – or never realising – that it’s better to fail spectacularly while reaching for the stars than it is to succeed at something we never really wanted in the first place.

imagesCAKG2G42We think we’ve got forever and that these concerns that weigh us down are so pressing. We worry about the trivial, to the neglect of the most precious thing we have: moments we’ll never see again. We talk of killing time, passing time, and getting through the week, forgetting we’re wishing away the moments that comprise our lives. We say time is money when in fact the time we have is ALL we have. Money can be borrowed, time can’t. We fear taking risks, unaware that the biggest risk we run in playing it safe is in fact living as long as we hope and never doing the things we dreamed of. And then it’s too late. We watched our favourite TV shows, we fought a losing battle with our weight, we picked up the guitar once in a while and never quite started the spanish language course we wanted to do. We managed to get a large flatscreen and new cars once in a while, but the list of things we would have done if we could really, truly could have done anything, kept growing. And we never did them.

Life is short. Don’t just exist, Live! Treasure every moment. Tell the people you love that you love them. Be aware of who and what you spend your time on. Make the most of every day. Lastly….be thankful that you’re alive, and that you have another day to live your best life.

 

In memory of Farzahnah Patel. RIP my dear friend.

 

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Pre 30 Meltdown

Turning 30 is a milestone in any woman’s life, and it can be a source of considerable anxiety.The impending transition of your (supposedly) youthful and carefree 20’s to your more “adult” 30’s can spark an existential crisis in even the most confident and self-assured amongst us. I’ve recently found myself dwelling over the end of my “glory days“, and thinking about my childhood dreams that never quite came to fruition.

Turning 30 is one of those things that everyone has an opinion about. At sixteen, I compared it to something similar to the apocalypse – an instant death of youth, soft supple skin, and free-range irresponsibility. At twenty something, I saw it only as the next dreaded step, working tirelessly to achieve everything I told myself I would do before the third decade hits. And then you find yourself sitting on thirties’ doorstep, and wonder; How did I get here? Where are my two kids I suppose to have had? What happen to my home with the white picket fence? Why have I not won my two Oscars as yet for my role as the Bond Girl? Where did my personal trainer go to?

I don’t know if I’m the only woman facing this fear and anxiety of turning thirty.

I find myself walking and wondering who’s following me, and I suddenly realise it’s my own ass bouncing about behind me….Yeah, it turns out I’m not naturally young anymore. Grey hairs are starting to breed on my head; a new one spotted every 2 hours! Then people say things like “You look good for your age” (Who you kidding?) Getting pregnant turns from the scary thing you should never do, at any cost…..to what you must do, at any cost.

You’re aware that your metabolism is starting to slow down, very quick. Then there’s the bladder (I could use a replacement already!). And the sad realisation that by definition you are not a prodigy. You have, however, became an expert on taxes and grocery shopping on a budget.

Then there’s the “Keeping up with the 20 somethings”. Now, I’ve always loved dancing and still do, more than anything else. And yes, I might not do it as often as earlier in my life, but when I do, I think, yeah…I can still do this. But the next morning, my body looks me straight in the eye and say; “Girlfriend, please…..you’re not 20 anymore!”

This, I believe, is a quarter-life crisis. I think that the mid-life crisis gets way too much press, so no one pays attention to the quarter-life crisis. Around the age of 25, there is a moment of panic: or a prolonged moment of panic, which for me has lasted about five years and has yet to stop.

images:google.com

Self – Trust

3504915627_5f034371f81As women, we sometimes fall into the trap of letting others control us, help us make decisions. We do this for various reasons, but what I have personally discovered, is that the common cause of this is lack of self-trust.

When we lose that self-trust, we begin to listen to others, who might not always have our best interests at heart. Surely they might love us and want what’s best for us, but the truth is, they simply don’t know.

How could they know?

After all, you are the only person who know’s what’s best for you. You’re the only one who knows what you want. But if you give your power away due to lack of self-trust, who know’s where you would end up in your life.

In order for you to live your best life you must, totally, without a doubt, trust yourself. You are going to have to make hard decisions in your life that are going to require that you listen to yourself.

144011-425x282-spiritual-woman-meditatingIn about the first two years of my marriage, I was so focused on doing “the right thing”, that I totally lost my self-trust. Perhaps it was because I’ve messed up in the past, made some mistakes and took chances that didn’t work out. I needed constant reassurance regarding decisions that I had to make. I do not regret any of the decisions that I have made, it’s just that I have grown now, grown to a point where I can stand up for what I believe in, trust myself wholly. We’re now at a point in our marriage, where we’re each other’s cheerleaders, sidekicks. Where we can focus on ourselves and what’s important to us as individuals, yet still have an incredible support system.

The only way to gain back that trust, is by acting on your beliefs. If you believe in something with all your heart, don’t ask people what they think. Don’t second guess yourself because it seems scary and uncomfortable.

Nothing will help us overcome our fear of the unknown except trust in ourselves. Build a deep, loving relationship with yourself, built around trust and appreciation. No one else is going to do it for you.

Images: Google.com

I Heart Change

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” — John F. Kennedy

 
Here’s the reality of it; you can love change  or hate it, fight it or embrace it, it’s going to happen with or without your approval.
Simply put, change is the “process of becoming different” it can be in the form of a new baby, changing careers, moving to a new city, the loss of a loved one, just to name a few. Be it positive or negative, there will always be the sense of unknown.

 
It’s been said that the only constant in our world today is change! Most of us resist it, because we are comfortable and secure in our world as we know it. And yet, if change is an inevitable reality of life (and it is), then we’d better be prepared to respond when the unexpected comes knocking on our door.

 
Not every person has the same tolerance to risk. Some adventurous souls actually relish the adventure of new situations. Others like their life exactly as it is: nice and predictable. For these people, the idea of change produces fear.

I recall having a conversation with an acquaintance about a month before I married my soul mate, Mr. M (that’s what I’ll refer hubby to on my blog). He heard I was getting married the following month after dating Mr. M for just nine months! (Yip nine months) And he said to me, (words I’ll never forget) “You never miss an opportunity, do you?” And I looked at him and said, “No, I don’t, and I am not afraid of change!” But after growing up in a small town, getting married would mean having to move to Jo’burg, (Mr. M’s hometown) 180km from home! It was exciting, but at the same time scary, would I find a job? Would I make new friends? And it was then I realized that I heart change! It keeps me alive, fueled, and ready for anything and everything!

From past experiences involving change, this is what I’ve observed;
It always seems bigger than it really is. We’re human, (and worse women!) We tend to over-think, over-analyze, and almost always expect the worse, and once we’ve passed the particular “stage” we look back and say “Oh? That wasn’t as bad as I thought”. Best way to deal with it; take it one day at a time, step by step

 
Change creates unwanted stress. That’s a known fact. And no two people deals with stress the same way. So now you not only have to deal with this “change” but also the stress that comes with it. If you’re in a marriage or relationship, you need to understand one another’s stress reactions and this will enable you to work together more effectively. Times of intense pressure can either pull you together or push you apart. Stress will come, and you need to ensure that it does not divide and conquer.

 
Life doesn’t always follow the plan that you may have had laid out for yourself. However, opportunities often present themselves in unexpected ways—learn to recognize and take advantage of these opportunities even if they were not part of your initial plan.

Focus is the next principle on dealing with change. When a transition in your life occurs, be sure to keep your thoughts on what you can control. Certain aspects of your life may operate outside of your control.
You have the opportunity to choose a perspective about change; is it overwhelming and stressful, or exciting and fun?

 
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Reinhold Niebuhr

images: Google.com

Facing the Fear of Death with Eyes Wide Open

If there exists one experience that, throughout history, around the world, generation after generation, binds mankind together, it is death. Death is something we all must face — no exercise or diet regimen, no meditation techniques, no amount of money can avoid it. It is the great equalizer.

 
To me, this is a topic I choose to not think about too often. The one thing I do think about though, is not dying. I don’t want to die! At least not now! I still want to have kids, put them through school, play soccer with them, watch them on their first dates. I want to grow as a person. I still have so much to do. I’m not ready – But then, who is?

 
Death forces us to let go of everything. We must accept this and go peacefully. If we cling to people, or to things, or to our hopes and dreams, then death will be a moment of agony. We don’t know what will happen next, but it makes sense to accept the inevitable, and let death be a peaceful letting go.

 
We fear death because we spend our lives clinging to things of this world. We strive for more money, we bond with friends, and most of all, we become attached to that voice in our head that we call “me”. We see our happiness as being dependent on these things, and conveniently ignore the grim reality that it could all end in an instant, for death can come at any time.

Seeing that no one knows how much time we have left, it’s best to start living, today, if you have just been alive all this time. DO NOT take people or TIME for granted. It can be snatched away from us at any given time.