Tag Archive | dreams

Pre 30 Meltdown

Turning 30 is a milestone in any woman’s life, and it can be a source of considerable anxiety.The impending transition of your (supposedly) youthful and carefree 20’s to your more “adult” 30’s can spark an existential crisis in even the most confident and self-assured amongst us. I’ve recently found myself dwelling over the end of my “glory days“, and thinking about my childhood dreams that never quite came to fruition.

Turning 30 is one of those things that everyone has an opinion about. At sixteen, I compared it to something similar to the apocalypse – an instant death of youth, soft supple skin, and free-range irresponsibility. At twenty something, I saw it only as the next dreaded step, working tirelessly to achieve everything I told myself I would do before the third decade hits. And then you find yourself sitting on thirties’ doorstep, and wonder; How did I get here? Where are my two kids I suppose to have had? What happen to my home with the white picket fence? Why have I not won my two Oscars as yet for my role as the Bond Girl? Where did my personal trainer go to?

I don’t know if I’m the only woman facing this fear and anxiety of turning thirty.

I find myself walking and wondering who’s following me, and I suddenly realise it’s my own ass bouncing about behind me….Yeah, it turns out I’m not naturally young anymore. Grey hairs are starting to breed on my head; a new one spotted every 2 hours! Then people say things like “You look good for your age” (Who you kidding?) Getting pregnant turns from the scary thing you should never do, at any cost…..to what you must do, at any cost.

You’re aware that your metabolism is starting to slow down, very quick. Then there’s the bladder (I could use a replacement already!). And the sad realisation that by definition you are not a prodigy. You have, however, became an expert on taxes and grocery shopping on a budget.

Then there’s the “Keeping up with the 20 somethings”. Now, I’ve always loved dancing and still do, more than anything else. And yes, I might not do it as often as earlier in my life, but when I do, I think, yeah…I can still do this. But the next morning, my body looks me straight in the eye and say; “Girlfriend, please…..you’re not 20 anymore!”

This, I believe, is a quarter-life crisis. I think that the mid-life crisis gets way too much press, so no one pays attention to the quarter-life crisis. Around the age of 25, there is a moment of panic: or a prolonged moment of panic, which for me has lasted about five years and has yet to stop.

images:google.com

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Open Letter to my Husband

Four years ago today, we became husband and wife. At 25 and 26, we were just madly in love. We didn’t know a lot back the, but we knew one thing for certain; we belonged together. And now, four years later, I can say with absolute certainty, that the past four years has been the best of my life.

I don’t tell you this as often as I should, but I love being your wife. In fact, I am proud to be your wife. You continue to amaze me year after year with your ability to selflessly love me. Like when you insist on starting dinner (even though you’re tired), so I can have an early shower and relax.

You would do anything for me. You put up with me and my shenanigans day in and day out. Like my unexplained moodiness, and for that, you deserve more than a blog post; you deserve a trophy.

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You were always the one telling me “you can” when I didn’t think I could, the one telling me “you will” when I didn’t think I would. You have supported me through every new venture I’ve taken on (and they change very frequently), all without blinking an eye or making me feel guilty. From pushing me to get my diploma in events management, to auditioning for Masterchef, and the list goes on and on! I would not be where I am today, doing what I’m doing, and chasing my dreams, if it were not for you. That is a fact. You have been my rock, my coach in the corner, my confidence builder, and my daily encouragement, for four whole years. Thank you for believing in me, and helping me believe in myself.

We’re on a new journey now, you and I, and there’s nobody I’d rather be learning and sharing with than you. We might be great apart, but we’re even better together.

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You’re an amazing friend, and even better husband. Our marriage is far from perfect,but I honestly believe it gets better and better with each passing day. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Here’s to growing old and grey together! I love you Mr M, always have and always will!

Happy Anniversary

When Life doesn’t go as Planned

Most of us have a plan for our lives, relationships, careers, jobs, spouses, marriage, kids and so forth.woman-falling-off-ladder-007

We have these images, plans and dreams long before it actually happens, believing this “plan” will bring us happiness, success, joy and fulfillment, and what we imagine as an ideal existence.

But what happens when life doesn’t go according to our carefully laid out plan?

Our hearts break. Nothing makes sense anymore. Dreams disappear like smoke and seem impossibly out of our reach. We lose our faith. We lose control. Doubt creeps in. Then we try, desperately hard to get things back on track. We work, and stress and do everything we possibly can to find hope and a glimpse that at some point, this pain will end.

Then we ask ourselves the three most appalling questions;

What’s wrong with me?

Whom can I blame?

What’s the worst-case scenario?

The truth is; Plans are funny things. Most of the time, when we make them, we aren’t the ones who have control over the outcome. Sure, we can do our best and try to make them happen, but so much of our world – and our lives – are dictated by things outside of our control. We all encounter things in life (to some degree) that aren’t “supposed” to happen. Suddenly, plans change, and sometimes, totally disappear!

Many of us have to deal with impossibly difficult situations, that were never part of the plan. Though some of us are never faced with such dramatic decisions, we all have things that didn’t work out the way it “supposed” to.

I “supposed” to get that promotion by now.I “supposed” to be married by now. I “supposed to have achieved (fill in the blank) by now.

Life happens. Plans change.

Plans can be good, but when our focus is so intent on making them happen, it can be crushing when things don’t work out how we wanted them to.

The thing about our plans is, they can always change.

 

images: google.com