For many years, I was convinced that by changing my body, I would change my life. I believed that when the weight disappeared, it would take away old wounds, hurts, and rejections with it. I thought that changing the shape on the outside would alter the feelings on the inside.
I mistakenly believed that altering my body will fix everything. That’s because I thought that body size is the cause and, therefore, the healer of all wounds. Perhaps my worst mistake was believing that being thin equalled being loved, being special, being cherished and being happy. I couldn’t be more wrong.
I thought life would be greater if I were thinner. That I would be happier. That I would love myself more and be loved even more.
When all along it was inner happiness I’ve always wanted! But instead of putting my energy and attention there, I always concentrated on the size of my body. Now, I have never been a big girl, but I was always bigger than what society expected.
And let’s just say, people will let you know when “they” think you’re getting “fat”. And in earlier years, when I would hear these comments, I would consume food containing approximately 1000 calories a day for 2 weeks, and know that I’d drop at least 2kg (Which I will just put back on when I returned to normal eating). But now, if someone said that me, I take it with pinch of salt.For me it was a constant roller roaster of having great days and of course, fat days.
Over the past year, I have started to look at life through different eyes. I have realised that it’s not about how the world looks at me, but rather, about how I look at the world. I’m never going to be perfect, not even to the people who loves me most, But….I can be perfect to myself, for myself…..
By spending all this time wanting to be in a body that I would never fit into, I just made myself more miserable inside, which I would, in turn take out on the outside, and so the sick cycle would continue!
So my message to you: being thinner will never do what you think it’s going to do. But you can have whatever you believe that being thinner will give you, and you can have it now. The only way to do it? By starting to live as though you love yourself. By making a commitment to be kind to yourself and by not letting anything stand in your way. By setting aside time for yourself daily. By beginning today.
Follow no diet rules, Suffer no fat insults, Don’t deprive yourself of the pleasure of life!
Love your curves, I love mine