Eid-ul-Fitr: The One’s That Are No Longer With Us

golden-eid-festival-moon-with-mosque.jpgIt’s true that the days of Eid changes once one marries. Then there’s the never ending battle of which Eid with who’s family. Alhamdulillah, once I got married we sort of just winged it and so far, every Eid was special in it’s own way.

I remember my first Eid-ul-Fitr after getting married. We were having Eid with Mr M’s family and had my family over as well. We cooked the entire Eid lunch from scratch, something I’ve never done before. We were always just the accessories in the kitchen growing up, where my mum and aunts will be doing the actual cooking.

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My most fondest Eid memories are mostly from my childhood and teens. This time of year was always spent with my dad’s family (mum is a revert, so there was no battle). My late aunt Aabeda, would never sleep the night of Eid (when the moon is sighted at sunset) and the food preparations would begin. She’d make everyone’s favourite dish and give in to all our whims and fancies. We must have been about sixteen or so, and being the most unconventional of the lot (and still is), my cousin (her son) and I wanted our jalebi to be blue (which she made) and not the traditional saffron colour. She’d begin her baking about 2 weeks prior to Eid and then hide the baked goods away from our sticky fingers. I do believe that if Instagram was around during her time….her laden tables would have broke the internet. She was a one in a million woman, with a heart of gold. She never hesitated to open up her home to any one. On the day of Eid, people will be in and out her house with a full belly and a treat to take home. There were many a times, where she would go without  to ensure that the next person didn’t have to.

She was the glue in the family, and even though she was younger than dad, when she spoke, he would listen.

This post is in memory of my beautiful Aunty “Beda” I miss her tons and make dua that she receives the highest ranks in jannah (heaven).

 

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Pre 30 Meltdown

Turning 30 is a milestone in any woman’s life, and it can be a source of considerable anxiety.The impending transition of your (supposedly) youthful and carefree 20’s to your more “adult” 30’s can spark an existential crisis in even the most confident and self-assured amongst us. I’ve recently found myself dwelling over the end of my “glory days“, and thinking about my childhood dreams that never quite came to fruition.

Turning 30 is one of those things that everyone has an opinion about. At sixteen, I compared it to something similar to the apocalypse – an instant death of youth, soft supple skin, and free-range irresponsibility. At twenty something, I saw it only as the next dreaded step, working tirelessly to achieve everything I told myself I would do before the third decade hits. And then you find yourself sitting on thirties’ doorstep, and wonder; How did I get here? Where are my two kids I suppose to have had? What happen to my home with the white picket fence? Why have I not won my two Oscars as yet for my role as the Bond Girl? Where did my personal trainer go to?

I don’t know if I’m the only woman facing this fear and anxiety of turning thirty.

I find myself walking and wondering who’s following me, and I suddenly realise it’s my own ass bouncing about behind me….Yeah, it turns out I’m not naturally young anymore. Grey hairs are starting to breed on my head; a new one spotted every 2 hours! Then people say things like “You look good for your age” (Who you kidding?) Getting pregnant turns from the scary thing you should never do, at any cost…..to what you must do, at any cost.

You’re aware that your metabolism is starting to slow down, very quick. Then there’s the bladder (I could use a replacement already!). And the sad realisation that by definition you are not a prodigy. You have, however, became an expert on taxes and grocery shopping on a budget.

Then there’s the “Keeping up with the 20 somethings”. Now, I’ve always loved dancing and still do, more than anything else. And yes, I might not do it as often as earlier in my life, but when I do, I think, yeah…I can still do this. But the next morning, my body looks me straight in the eye and say; “Girlfriend, please…..you’re not 20 anymore!”

This, I believe, is a quarter-life crisis. I think that the mid-life crisis gets way too much press, so no one pays attention to the quarter-life crisis. Around the age of 25, there is a moment of panic: or a prolonged moment of panic, which for me has lasted about five years and has yet to stop.

images:google.com

Collect Memories Not Things

As an adult, I sit back and reflect on my past years, from childhood, to being a teenager, to growing into an adult. The one valuable lesson I have learnt over the past years, is that memories hold so much more value than that of things, the things I so badly wanted, and had to have because it was the trend, or because everyone had it.

Thinking back to my childhood, the memory that immediately comes to mind is playing; house with my sisters, hide and seek until after dark, hopscotch, and cricket on the road. We played school, marbles, yoyo and monkey in the middle. These are just a few of the things that come to mind. Nowhere in the memories I hold on to, is there any association with specific things.I want more

As a young adult, things became very important to me; a part of me I’d say. I used things to fill up what was missing inside me; contentment! Branded clothing became a necessity, it was essential to have the latest phone (something we can’t keep up with in this era of technology). Branded sneakers and sunglasses, to name a few “things”! I remember a time in my life when “buying” gave me instant satisfaction, from the things I’ll never use to the fancy gadgets I had no need for or clue how to use.

We’re now in a time where culture, society, television ads and every magazine encourages us or makes us believe that we “need” more. We all, at some point feel the pressure of having to please ourselves, by satisfying our thirst for more. It makes us feel good (for short periods of time). We find our “ego” voices inside us justifying why we need “that new thing” and if we don’t get it, we throw a pity party! (I’m so guilty of that, I feel terrible right now just thinking of some of  the occasions where i actually got my way!) I have given into these lies, and just like everyone else, it’s a difficult battle to fight.Colour

I have since learnt that there are so many meaningful experiences that will last in memory so much longer than the things I so desire. My pursuit of things takes away the time and energy I have from my family and from living!

I want to collect memories……Not things
Memories that will inspire joy in my heart, ignite passion for my family and remind me that some of the smallest experiences in life have the greatest impact such as;

– Movie / series marathons with friends

– Walks in the garden with Mr M

– Playing with my niece and nephews

– Staying up until the early hours of the morning with my parents and sisters when visiting

– Waking up late on the weekend, having coffee prepared by Mr M and planning the day ahead.

There are so many ways to collect memories that will last a lifetime, memories that will remind us of God’s goodness. Memories that will unify families as you reminisce with your children someday. I have entered this world with no material possessions, and will leave it in the exact some way…….Only with a heart full of memories.

“Treasure your relationships, not your possessions” Anthony J.D’Angelo

Born in the 80’s – Childhood memories

For me, being born in the 80’s was one of the greatest things ever! I personally feel that we were the last generation of kids who actually “lived” a kids life.There are so many fond memories from being a kid that I’m not even sure where to begin.

So I’ve decided to list all my favourite childhood memories, and hope that one day my kids would read this and laugh til their tummies hurt

    • Playing outside ALL of the time, and only going into the house when you were called to bath
    • Break dancing on polished floors (more like believing that we could)
    • Having our hair crimped and combed over to one side
    • Wearing a banana slides
    • Using plastic bangles, and we’d burn it and stick it if it broke

      Plastic bangles
  • Every girl had a crush on one of the guys from New Kids on the Block
  • We remember what Michael Jackson looked like before surgery
  • Everybody knew MC Hammer
  • I still know the words to “Ice ice baby”
  • We would make cassettes for our friends (recorded off the radio)

 

Our cassette collections
  • We almost never watched tv, (only 3 Channels)
  • Reading Nancy Drew, Hardy boys, Famous Five and Sweet valley high
  • David Hasselhoff was the coolest person ever!
  • Favourite tv show, Airwolf, McGyver, Highwayman, The A Team
  • Brakenjan was on at family viewing time 18:30

 

The Three Musketeers aka Brakenjan
  • Wearing neon coloured cycling tights under shorts,
  • (With leg warmers)….Or this is how you wanted to dress
  • Saying wax on / wax off now, sounds like a secret code
  • Still wanting to do karate and ballet
  • Telling each others fortune with a Quack Quack

    “Quack Quack”
  • Owning a lyric book, (I’m certain a lot of it was incorrect)
  • In cricket season, the road would turn the road into a pitch
  • The year 2000 meant we’d be living on the moon with silver suits
  • We had play names, Kelly, Brenda, Dona
  • We took tons of photos and the spools were never developed

 

Sketch of a spool

This list could go on and on….So please feel free to share your childhood memories